SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Unfortunately, things just keep getting worse. I’m sure many of you can relate. I trusted my WP when he said the affair was over and he wasn’t in contact with AP anymore. And then two days ago I found emails showing he is talking to her, and had booked flights to go see her. How fucking stupid of me to trust him, when he already betrayed my trust so fully.

We were trying to work through the betrayal and reconcile. Now that is up in the air. He is not sure if he wants me, and I am so hurt I am not sure if I should stay. Our 12 year anniversary is this weekend. He has been my person for half of my life. I can’t imagine life without him, but I also don’t know how I can heal from this. We have been trying for years for kids, including years of IVF. But I just turned 40. I know the odds are already stacked against me, so it also feels like I’m not only losing him, but losing this last chance to be a parent.

Meanwhile, life just keeps on going. I am fortunate to have a good job, and have been taking sick days here and there, but work just piles up. I have a pretty person-facing job, so I have to constantly put on a happy face and act like everything is fine, which is exhausting. I feel like I barely have the capacity to fold laundry right now, much less be a functioning employee.

How did you all manage to keep going through the day-to-day motions? Did you share what has happening with your boss at all? Go on medical leave? Just power through?

[This message edited by Shrug6645 at 4:13 PM, Friday, August 28th]

Gently, you experienced a 2nd d-day. IMO, the most important question you need to answer is: do you want him?

You're the prize. He isn't. You didn't fail. He did. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?

I'm really sorry you're in this sitch.

I kept my focus on what I wanted and its feasibility. I was forced to move my body to some extent, and I knew I had to drink water. Food, though, and sleep ... I went with my flow.

We also had a great MC who was also my W's IC.

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:56 PM, Friday, August 28th]

Be his choice, not his option, because the first is love and the second is an insult.

I have to admit, I was a much worse employee for a while there. I didn’t have the internal capacity to be my best self, not even close. I suppose I found the bare minimum and kept up with that and did a bit of white knuckling. It’s really hard.

How fucking stupid of me to trust him, when he already betrayed my trust so fully.

You are not stupid, you are just human. A ton of us have done the same, you are doing your best to make a path forward in an impossibly difficult situation. This is not the time to be criticizing yourself like that.

I can’t imagine life without him, but I also don’t know how I can heal from this.

You can absolutely heal, pinky swear 🤙🏼It’s a long, hard journey, but the pain and darkness are temporary.

You don’t have to figure out what the future will be right now. You don’t have to decide if you want to stay married on anyone’s timeline but your own. Take care of yourself, let the shock calm down, figure out what you want from there.

Best wishes.