someone21082026 (original poster new member #87709) posted at 7:16 PM on Friday, August 28th, 2026
Prior to discovering the A, whenever I discussed infidelity with my W after hearing some news or stories about married couples, my view had always been that spouses should try reconciliation if there were no major issues in the marriage. And if they had young children together, I believed that divorce could have a psychological impact on the children as they grew up with separated parents.
My wife confessed that she was fairly confident that I would not divorce her, and therefore there would be no real consequences for continuing the affair. She believed that there would be some challenges for a few days or months, but eventually everything would be OK.
I keep thinking that she knew I would try to keep the family together because of my beliefs and because of our children, and that gave her confidence that she could continue the affair without having to worry about losing the marriage, its killing me.
How can I deal with this feeling? How can I move past the thought that my wife knew my weakness and used it to her advantage?
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for sharing your thoughts, suggestions, and advice. I really appreciate it.
Chaos ( member #61031) posted at 8:57 PM on Friday, August 28th, 2026
Well she's a special kind of entitled isn't she?
IMHO you are under no obligation to decide R or D right away. You can take all the time you need to figure it out.
I would see an attorney or three (many offer free consults) to see what your life would look like R or D or separation while you figure it out.
Are you sure the affair has ended? Are you sure NC (no contact) is in place?
I'm also a big fan of exposure. If her AP has a spouse or significant other - EXPOSE. If they work together - EXPOSE. If she or the AP has a code of conduct as part of their employment - EXPOSE. Let those consequences slap them in the face. Nothing changes the tune more than the consequences of their own actions.
Pro Tip - when you expose, don't let them know you are going to do this. They will cover their tracks and/or start damage control measures early.
BS-me/WH-4.5yrLTA Married 2+ decades-2 adult children. Multiple DDays w/same LAP until I told OBS 2018- Cease & Desist sent spring 2021 "Hello–My name is Chaos–You f***ed my husband-Prepare to Die!"
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 9:55 PM on Friday, August 28th, 2026
My H thought the same thing. I would never D him.
Until dday2 of affair2 and I told him "I’m Divorcing you!", left the room and did the hard 180.
Game changer.
He stopped blaming me for his affair, got his act together and made amends for his lying & cheating choices.
While we have happily reconciled I would not have stayed married if he continued to blame me for his affair. He tried that once and I shut it down in a heartbeat.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Machiavelli1469 ( new member #84899) posted at 10:24 PM on Friday, August 28th, 2026
When I first read your story I thought your wife was trash. A dumb cake eater. But now I'm leaning towards her being downright evil (to you). If you're looking for someone who doesn't have an ounce of respect for you, just look in her direction. That's where her confidence comes from. She does not think that you have the balls to divorce her or even separate from her. She probably thinks that she is so much better than you that you should kiss the ground she walks on. In reality, she's not much different from most cheaters. In order to think highly of themselves, they devalue everyone else around them.
