WH has started getting violent because I'm upset

Hello. I found out 3 months ago that my husband cheated on me.

He is very apologetic and is doing all of the right things. However, he sometimes gets angry at himself and says it's because he's ruined our lives. He has broken things and he put this down to being extremely distressed at what he's done.

He has only ever been gentle and kind. Can an affair coming out make the person who cheated like this?

16 comments posted: Friday, April 11th, 2025

Husband cheated after 23 years together

I discovered by accident that my husband had been unfaithful at Christmas. I am devastated. I am 40 and he is 42 and we've been together 23 years.

He had an emotional affair for 10 months with the woman who is 16 years younger (a PhD student at his work). Then, at the Christmas night out, he went home with her. I also discovered he'd been painting a terrible picture of our marriage to justify his cheating.

He desperately wants to save our marriage and seems very remorseful. He also cut off contact with the woman. I just feel so unbelievably hurt and empty and it has severely affected me. The hurt, betrayal and awful thoughts are constantly there. I am truly shocked at his affair as he's the last person on earth I would have believed would do this.

Regarding the other woman, she has borderline personality disorder and has a strong need for attention. She confessed to me in her texts that she liked the attention he gave her more than she liked my husband. However, she still invited him to her house that night, knowing he would destroy his family. She also said there are 2 other other married men she is trying to pursue. When my husband told her I knew of the affair, she said she is used to dealing with angry wives. I am beyond disgusted at my husband, but also at this woman who has played her part in destroying our family, and for nothing.

I don't know what to do. Please can I have some opinions. Thank you for reading.

6 comments posted: Wednesday, April 9th, 2025