SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I feel really really stupid, like hate myself.

While i dont see him and have his number blocked, he sent me into an rage because he’s been telling his dad he wants to fix his marriage.

I said to his dad, he hasn’t done anything in the past 5 months to show that.

I assumed him and AP were no longer talking because based on my own morals (clearly there are moraless people) how could you continue talking to someone knowing what’s happened.

Then recently i unblocked his number for a few hours and had a huge argument with him because he told my 4yo she could sleep over his mums with him, which i never agreed to.

And in that argument, he was still lacking accountability, shifting blame and getting defensive, but saying he wants to try

And i confronted him and said, have you even ended all communication with AP, and he says "no, we still talk"

I went into a spiral. I called his dad and told him he was still in contact with AP. I sent his dad APs number. I told his close friend who he told, he wants to fix his family.

I feel so so so stupid because a few days prior, his friend told me my husband had gone to seek religious counselling and i had some hope he was taking initiative.

I helped organise the counsellor with his friend when i shouldn’t have. I should have just left it.

I hate myself for even thinking that this person had any hope of change. I hate myself for even helping find the religious counsellor.

I have another 6 months of separation before i can file for divorce.

He has organised mediation to ask more then 6 hours of time with our daughter. If i refuse to mediate, he can take the case to court. But that’s a long and costly process so maybe the risks are low.

He’s refusing to pay $400 a fortnight in child support.

How is this person even a human being? I think he is the devil

Are you basing your demands on what you think is right or on law?

In most countries both parents have the same right to their kids. In fact – in most countries it’s seen as the RIGHT of the child to have equal access to their parents. That six hour gap he has – who decided that? Is it a formally approved agreement? As in signed by the appropriate authorities?
Same with the child support. Is that a formal request?

Friend – so far it all sounds like anger and intimidation on both your parts.
I can more-or-less promise you that the first one of you that follows the laws and regulations in your country will be the one that gets the better deal.

Like the child support. If that 400k was a decree by the correct authorities chances are his wages would be garnished. Or the balif/sherif at is door.

The $400 is calculated by the government based on wages and how many nights the child is with a parent.

The 6 hours is set by me. He picks her up on a sunday from my parents house so i dont have to see him. There is no law on how many hours or nights parents should have during separation.

He wants to see her one more day of the week but that would require him coming to the family home and im not allowing that

I cant trust this person with a penny, let alone my child.

[This message edited by Starant at 4:52 PM, Tuesday, May 26th]

You should not be mad at yourself. You have him 120% effort to reconcile and he did not hold up his end of the bargain.

But here’s the pay off. You tried your best. It just didn’t work. So now you can stop trying. You have no regrets in Divorcing him.

No calls from him

No setting up counseling for him

No believing anything he says to anyone. Period.

Enforce his support payments that are owed to you.

Don’t allow him to come to your home for any reason— not even child exchange.

Detach from him emotionally. Read up on the 180 on the Healing Library here at SI.

It hurts so much to think your own husband cares so little about your pain and the impact on their own child.

How can someone have any humanity when they continue to hurt someone knowing what its doing?

I tell my therapist about his behaviours, and she says his brain seems undeveloped.

I hope he gets nowhere in life and continues to fail and lose things. Its so unfair.

I have a playlist from his affair period that has a bunch of songs that are about cheating or revenge.

There is one song called I Pray For You. It’s about a break up and the guy who was dumped is saying he prays for these things about his XGF:

I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls.

I pray all your dreams never come true

These are my two favorite lines. Makes me laugh every time.

I’m not doubting the amount, but rather the process.
There are plenty of online calculators that can show parents what they might have to pay in child-support. However, the decision to pay CS tends to be affirmed or issued by some authorities.
Like… a child from an unmarried couple not cohabiting… the mother is asked to name the father and the father might get a formal request for CS. The decent and moral male simply signs on the dotted line and starts paying. For a married couple the child is automatically assumed to be the husband’s and there is no government-defined child support. Just like there is no custody or official 6 hours a week.

Please – I am trying to help you.
I truly think that the sooner you set off on a FORMAL process of determining custody, child-support and future expectations and obligations the better it will be for you. And your child.