jailedmind (original poster member #74958) posted at 2:56 AM on Monday, September 22nd, 2025
I’m like 11 years out. But something I always was wondering. What do the ws talk about in IC. Is it about why the did it or do they actually talk about what they did? I did ask my wife about it but she was not very descriptive of it. I know mine was more of describing her past and some of mine but it really focused on her behaviour. Any insight from
any waywards?
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 7:01 AM on Monday, September 22nd, 2025
During the affair I was convinced my H was going to therapy to get the courage to leave me & kids.
After dday2 when I kicked him to the curb he went to therapy. This time to seriously reconcile.
However his therapist was a "love language" type of guy and pardon my lack of class here, but I hate that shit.
I remember getting upset b/c after 30 years I think my H didn’t really know me if he’s asking me love language type questions. That therapist was doing more harm than good. But my H was doing everything possible to reconcile.
I think some cheaters really do address their issues and try to figure out why they cheated.
And many BS actually figure out why their spouse cheated and what the "issues" or reasons for their choices or behavior. I think that goes a long way towards the BS healing. At least it did in my case.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
sisoon ( Moderator #31240) posted at 6:40 PM on Monday, September 22nd, 2025
I know mine was more of describing her past and some of mine but it really focused on her behavior.
Was that useful for you? Did the therapist connect your W's actions to you?
I ask because the various therapists I've worked with or observed (I attended a number of conferences in which therapists demonstrated their techniques) always bring the client's story back to what the client thinks and feels. For example, if someone said, 'My W did _____,' the therapist responded with some question that parsed out to 'How do you feel about that?'
fBH (me) - on d-day: 66, Married 43, together 45, same sex apDDay - 12/22/2010Recover'd and R'edYou don't have to like your boundaries. You just have to set and enforce them.
jailedmind (original poster member #74958) posted at 1:41 AM on Tuesday, September 23rd, 2025
He didn’t bring it back to me. He really tried to get me to see that the guy wasn’t anything special. That is didn’t matter who it was. I remember saying the guys a drug dealer and he’s stupid. He said would it have mattered if he was smart and reputable? I thought no it would have made no difference. I never got much out of my wife about her IC sessions. I was wondering what the plan was for waywards in IC. They discuss thier behaviour or we drive over that and go into how does the AP make you feel and circle that back to the BS and how we can get them to provide the waywards unmet needs. I never saw the same level of ah ha moments with my wife. She should have been a cia agent. She can compartmentalize like no other. I always wondered what the therapist is trying to do for the wayward,
