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[This message edited by WhiskeyBlues at 10:57 PM, Monday, September 22nd]

Whiskey Blues - I completely understand this. My husband openly admits that he hates confrontation or awkward conversations and will avoid it at all costs. God, we didn’t speak for three days straight once before the affair because I was angry at something and he didn’t want to ‘talk’ about it.

This among other ‘issues’ is what led him to being a person who would commit adultery. Instead of telling me he was unhappy in our marriage he chose to say ‘yes’ to a woman who would give him the sex and attention that he was craving and I was not giving (apparently).

I understand when it seems like they do something against what they said they are supposed to be doing to ‘fix’ themselves. An example of my WH was he leant our car to his sister once without consulting me because he knew I would say no and he didn’t want to deal with arguing with either of us. Let me tell you that did not end well for him 😂

As you said (and hiking out said in one of her posts) they are human and even though it infuriates me, they are still human, will make mistakes and take a while to change behaviours they have done all their lives. I keep telling myself as long as everyday I see he is trying that a slip here and there is ok. BUT in saying that he will know about it 😜

I get what you are saying and feeling, but the cheater usually always wants to avoid talking about it at all costs. They want to forge ahead with the new life together. I remember my husband feeling this way.. he would never bring it up because of the hurt but we would talk if I needed it or if he noticed that I was not acting normal that day. I would say your husband is avoiding and may not know how to talk.. I remember being like this early on in my marriage, waited until the last hour to have a discussion that mattered. But to answer your question, yes trust can be built again. It takes so a lot of time, work, and prayer, but it can be done. I hope that he puts in the work for you. God bless.

I hope you’re doing well Whiskey.

I want to share a quick story about trust. I used to train working dogs for police and government agencies. Requires both detection and being able to attack people. I was very good at it, and was quickly in charge of an entire kernels. I thought I knew it all and could handle anything. Then one day I was attacked without warning by one of the dogs. Luckily someone was there to help me and pulled me to safety. I had to quit shortly after.

I can’t be around working dogs anymore, I couldn’t trust them. I would say that after being mentally attacked by your WH, and after years of constant lies from him you have to feel the same way.

Your WH isn’t who you thought he was, and may not ever be who you want to. In a marriage without infidelity I would say that both parties need to work and adjust to the new versions of each other. Post affair, no, I would say ask yourself if you can accept the version that was hidden from you

Trust can be rebuilt slowly - proven behavior over time is key here.

That being said - that "blind faith" trust - the "beyond the shadow of a doubt trust" IMHO - that is forever shattered.