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Well as I mentioned in other posts I decided to take the step of seeking some medical treatment for the way I'm feeling through a psychiatric nurse practitioner. It did not go the way I expected. I was basically told to practice meditation and change my diet. That does not seem like the approach I expected. I'm not a proponent of throwing medicine at every condition out there but I feel like there has to be other options to help someone who is having trouble just getting out of bed, never mind the brain fog, general sadness, etc. Has anyone else sought out medical treatment and had other treatment options prescribed. I was disappointed when I left the office. I know my treatment will be a combination of holistic stuff but I feel like I've hit the point where some medical intervention may be needed. Thoughts from anyone who has gone this route?

[This message edited by Bos491233 at 1:33 PM, Thursday, September 4th]

My best recommendation is a book called "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk, who is a psychiatrist specializing in PTSD. My BH listened to it as an audio book and found it life changing. Up until then, he believed that legitimate trauma responses were reserved for victims of serious crimes, tragedies, or war. He blamed himself for being trapped in suffering long after my infidelity. The book helped him understand that emotional trauma creates physical changes in the body that do not respond to ordinary therapy. It gave him both the tools to heal and (just as important) the understanding that his stress response was genuine and involuntary.

Only you know your symptoms, and you will have to advocate for what you need. We do suggest you seek out a trauma specialist as they know the extent of what we are going through. My PCP prescribed anti-anxiety medication (Lexapro) and I found a therapist for the talk therapy.

That said I did also start using the app Calm for its meditation guidance and it did help, especially when I was spiraling. So the advice you got is good but might not be enough for you. Keep looking for a specialist or talk to your PCP. This is a good time to be a squeaky wheel.

[This message edited by BearlyBreathing at 2:29 AM, Friday, September 5th]

I know it’s kind of a cliche answer, but get yourself in the gym and beat the shit out of yourself.
It will get your hormones and cortisol levels back in check, allowing you at least some mental relief that doesn’t require psychotropic drugs.

Only you know what will help. Reading The Body Keeps Score helped me to understand what I was experiencing. I went the route of medication, plus IC and EMDR. Through IC I learned more mindfulness and grounding techniques.

The EMDR seemed like the real game changer for me. Medication was sourced through a Psych Nurse Practitioner who I met through my IC. I let them share notes.

If you aren’t feeling supported…..then you’re not being supported enough

I never went the med route, but I’m all for whatever safely helps people through.

And I was full on clinically depressed for a time. I have two family members who could have prescribed stuff to me, but the stuff mainly numbs some of the elements, it doesn’t solve sadness. It doesn’t process anger, it doesn’t push us forward.

Venting to my IC helped me, but it was limited and eventually a circular exercise — although it got me through the initial shock and awe.

Venting here helped me more, because I was expressing feelings most people here could relate to. It was a form of journaling, looking at my pain in the written word, literally spelling out what I was going through. That helped me identify things I needed to do to move forward.

Basically, I leaned into the pain, leaned into anger — until I got to the numb feelings on my own. It is sort of a time when you’re burned out on feeling all the other stuff.

Exercise was huge. Huge.

A boxing bag to hit is a beautiful thing when you are processing anger.

Lifting weights helped.

And, most of all, I became a master of distraction. Comedy. Fun movies. Music. Great books. That helped me think of anything else when I needed a break from it, which was all the time.

I’m an old guy, but now in the best shape I’ve been in since my USMC days.

EMDR was very helpful for me. Medications to help with sleep were also important. I still remember waking up every day and my heart rate would immediately spike as I returned to reality.

It's really hellish. I hope you find relief. It will not last forever.

I put up the name of the ap on the wall in front of the tread mill and ran. Did weights and followed grounding techniques and controlled breathing. Stuck earbuds in at night and slept to meditation talks. Kept myself busy because it seeped in the second I stopped. TIME is the only answer. No magic pill. If there was one every bs would have taken it by the handful. Also taking control of your life. During the affair the ws controls events by withholding information. After it your in control. You decide if you want them back in your life. You decide they did enough work to warrant your forgiveness. You now get to decide. You become judge and jury. Once you take back your power that’s the tipping point in your favor.
For me, I calmly picked up a suitcase and began packing her clothes in it. She asked what I was doing. I said you have to leave. She was a wife, a mother and a business owner. She was a cheater. Facing the music she begged on her knees to stay crying and begging. Having to face the kids and family was not what she signed up for when she was in the fog. At that moment the power dynamic shifted. I was running the ship. Cleanup your act or get out. I think of that when the thoughts come. Reminds me of how utterly stupid an affair is. To do something that you have to beg to stay in your own house. Another thing that helped me was this. There was a guy in town that had an affair and he knocked her up. Child was brought up in an adjacent town but went to school with his daughters. After all the dust settles. His wife tells the story of his infidelity to every stranger and friend she sees. At a get together I’m standing beside him as his wife talks to someone about the affair. With no prodding he says to me. People look at me differently now. I’ve lost friends over it. My kids are ashamed of me. I live with that everyday he said as he looked over at his wife. I thought to myself. They do feel bad for it. They do have a sense of right and wrong. Understanding that gave me a sense of hope. You need to find someway to convince your mind to stop hitting play. And come to terms with some questions do not have answers . Answers we like anyway. Years after I asked her how she felt about AP. She said he’s a piece of shit. She almost ruined her life over him. She didn’t even skip a beat when she said it. Whether it’s true or not I will never know but at least it gives you hope. And at the end of the day the movies die because of hope.

I have complex PTSD due to severe physical , sexual, and psychological abuse while a child.

Add the affairs.

My therapist had me do a lot of writing exercises that led me through the "old" trauma first, then through the affair trauma.

She gave me strategies, too.

Do I still get triggered? Yes. I’m in kind of a down phase right now. No particular reason I can point to, except both abusers are nearing death and I think that might have something to do with it.

My daughter did ketamine therapy with a psychologist guiding her each session. She is remarkably healed and a different person. I am considering it for myself now.