SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I’m like 11 years out. But something I always was wondering. What do the ws talk about in IC. Is it about why the did it or do they actually talk about what they did? I did ask my wife about it but she was not very descriptive of it. I know mine was more of describing her past and some of mine but it really focused on her behaviour. Any insight from
any waywards?

During the affair I was convinced my H was going to therapy to get the courage to leave me & kids.

After dday2 when I kicked him to the curb he went to therapy. This time to seriously reconcile.

However his therapist was a "love language" type of guy and pardon my lack of class here, but I hate that shit.

I remember getting upset b/c after 30 years I think my H didn’t really know me if he’s asking me love language type questions. That therapist was doing more harm than good. But my H was doing everything possible to reconcile.

I think some cheaters really do address their issues and try to figure out why they cheated.

And many BS actually figure out why their spouse cheated and what the "issues" or reasons for their choices or behavior. I think that goes a long way towards the BS healing. At least it did in my case.

I know mine was more of describing her past and some of mine but it really focused on her behavior.

Was that useful for you? Did the therapist connect your W's actions to you?

I ask because the various therapists I've worked with or observed (I attended a number of conferences in which therapists demonstrated their techniques) always bring the client's story back to what the client thinks and feels. For example, if someone said, 'My W did _____,' the therapist responded with some question that parsed out to 'How do you feel about that?'